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He may also seek sexual intensity outside his relationship as a way to self-medicate escape from his emotional and psychological pain. He has unreasonable expectations. When this spouse inevitably fails him in his viewhe feels entitled to seek intimate attention elsewhere. He is bored, overworked, or otherwise put-upon in his mindand feels deserving of something special that is just for him—hiring prostitutes, viewing porn, or having affairs. Or maybe he wants more attention from his mate and thinks a period of pulling away will cause her to comply. He is confused about love. He does not understand that in truly loving relationships, the early, visceral attraction is gradually replaced by sweeter feelings of longer-term attachmenthonesty, commitment, and emotional intimacy.
Perhaps he has an ongoing, problematic relationship with alcohol or drugs that affects his decision-making and disinhibits him. He may also have an issue with sexual compulsivity, meaning he uses sexual activity as a way to self-soothe, escape uncomfortable emotions, and dissociate from the pain of underlying psychological conditions.
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